So many times I hear my clients ask me what’s the best relaxer? I have also heard from clients that relaxer is relaxer, they’re all the same chemical. Well I’m here to tell you that not all relaxers are the same.
First, let me tell you a little about my relaxer journey over the years. Just because I am a professional does not mean that I have not experienced relaxer horror stories. Boy oh boy I can tell you some tales. I’m almost embarrassed to share this because I am a pro, but if this will help someone avoid the absolute pain I’ve experienced, it will be worth it.
It may be a little lengthy, but I’ll try to keep it entertaining, so here goes.
Back in January of 1998, I was asked to audition to be a platform artist for an up and coming hair products company. The training was to take place in Orlando, FL and was comprised of some of the top black hairstylist in the country.
At the time I was living in San Diego and was very excited to have been chosen for the training and audition which was taking place on the east coast, so I could make it a vacation as well.
But wait, I was going to be around and rooming with some of the best stylist around, so I had to be on my game… And of course, my hair had to be fly.
I had talked to another stylist that was doing, at the time, a cutting edge hair extension called the pole method and I just had to have it done for the trip. So I made an appointment.
Me being so busy in the salon, I knew I had to relax and color my hair before I went for my appointment…But time got away from me and I waited until the last minute.
When I asked some of my coworkers if they could help me out two days before my appointment and hook me up with a touch up and color, everyone was too booked.
So guess what? I had to do it myself. First mistake. Unless it is absolutely necessary, I never relax my hair myself because I’m too slow with my arms constantly raised above my head, and I burn too easy. Remember that statement, I BURN TOO EASY.
So here it is, the night before my weave appointment, and all I have is product that is in bulk. I just figured that I would run to the beauty supply and grab some relaxer on my way home. I already had the bottle of color at the salon.
The professional beauty supply that I normally went to was closed and all that was opened was Sally’s Beauty Supply.
Now don’t get me wrong, Sally’s is cool for some tools like tint bottles, gloves, base, plastic caps etc… But Sally’s is not the place for top quality, hard core, professional products.
So I hurry in ten minutes before the store closes and run to the relaxer aisle. To my horror, all that was available were relaxers that I never use. Should I name them? OK, I will.
Relaxer lines like Bantu, Motions, Elasta QP, Optimum, and the oh so many “No-Lye” box relaxers which I will get into at a later date.
I go home, put the relaxer in, which burns like hot chicken grease, and then proceed to apply the color.
The color had a low volume developer, (the stuff you mix in to activate the color), and it proceeded to take the burn I was already feeling to a level that human beings should not experience.
But I needed to cover my gray and have my hair color match the extension hair. No pain, no gain, right?
It was January in San Diego. So it was cool and rainy outside. The only thing I could do to make it through the color processing time was to step out on my balcony in the rain and cool off a little.
Needless to say, the next day when it was time for my appointment, my scalp was blistering and oozing some yellow foreign substance. My girlfriend that was doing my hair was very apprehensive to give me the extension service at all.
Knowing I needed to look good, I practically threatened to key her car and put it up on bricks if she refused to perform the service. She reluctantly agreed.
The hairstyle turned out beautiful and I got many compliments. Not even the professionals knew I had extensions until I told them. But really…It’s amazing I still have hair. I could have permanently damaged my hair follicles. That move was very dangerous and stupid. I’m much wiser now.
So what’s my point?
- Don’t skimp when it comes to getting a relaxer. Always have a professional, or at least someone else who has a little experience applying relaxers to do it for you. Never do it yourself.
- If you’re sensitive like me, make sure your hair is based properly. It’s really a good idea to base your scalp regardless if you’re sensitive or not.
- Never use color after a relaxer if you’ve experienced burning during the application. (Always use a color that is safe to apply the same day of relaxer application.)
- Make sure you use a relaxer system that is of a higher grade. A good way to know if you’re using a decent relaxer is the price. Go for the higher priced products, they usually have more conditioners and oils to help buffer the chemical and are less harsh on the scalp.
- Never, never, never get hair extensions on freshly relaxed hair. The chemical makeup of the hair strand has been altered and is in a weaker state. Always get extensions when it’s time for a relaxer touch up. If you’re leaving some of your own hair out, just relax the part that will be visible.
- Don’t scratch your scalp for at least 24 hours before getting relaxed. You’re asking for trouble if you do.
- Make sure you use a system. In other words, get all the corresponding products that go along with the relaxer. Don’t mix and match the neutralizing shampoo, conditioner, stabilizer and relaxer itself. Most relaxers turn out best when you use all the products recommended. It’s kinda like a cake. If you leave out the flour, eggs, sugar, or some other ingredient, it doesn’t turn out quite right.
I know it can be difficult picking a good relaxer, just remember the rules, and things should work out for you. A few relaxers that are of higher quality are Mizani, Design Essentials, and Affirm. So if you’re not sure, give one of these a try.
WOW. Thank you for your transparency! The things women go through for beauty! Great expert advice.
Can you mix chemical relaxer with honey ?
Hi Julie,
Knowing the consistency of relaxer and honey, it doesn’t seem like a good idea to me. What is the reason you want to mix honey into a relaxer?
Hi, I need to get my hair done at a different hair stylist and she only uses Mizani and I normally use Design Essentials. She said it usually doesn’t matter if you switch from one brand to the other. Does it matter though? I usually use sensitive scalp when I do. Thanks.
Hi Danielle, yes, sometimes it does matter but in this instance, you’re good. Mizani and Design Essentials are on the same level when it comes to quality and I actually think Mizani is a little more gentle on the hair and scalp. I have used Design Essentials and Mizani on myself, and my scalp seems to do better with Mizani. But either line is pretty good. I hope this helps.
Hi!
I recently just relaxed my hair (Like Yesterday) I haven’t really done this in probably 8 years. I was super nervous about damaging my hair permanently and also scared about hair loss. I am a Puerto Rican Dominican with white parents who don’t fully understand my hair. (No hate to them, it’s just definitely out of what they do now) I felt like the box didn’t say how much relaxer you should actually apply to your hair. I don’t feel like there was any difference at all to my curls after using the relaxer. How saturated should my hair be?
Hi Briana, that’s a hard question to answer without seeing and feeling your hair texture and density. I would suggest, if it’s possible, that you seek out a professional to perform this service for you. If you do not have a stylist, the first thing you need to consider is the strength of your relaxer. If you opted for mild strength, you made need to move to regular strength. As for the amount of product, it does need to be saturated well. I found a YouTube video where the young lady did a good job with the application. You can check it out here: https://youtu.be/-miJ33GrfQw?si=eU9rhY3PIQot0eSW
I hope this was helpful, and I wish you luck.
Is it ok to put a relaxer in my hair with gel and edge control already in it
Hi Phyllis, if the gel or edge control is not heavily caked on, it should be ok. But if you can actually feel the residue of the product on your fingers after running your hands across your hair, then it’s a good idea to wait and apply the relaxer when you have removed the product build-up. Please make a note that you should never relax your hair within 5 days of shampooing it. The reason being is that you have to give your scalp a chance to calm down from it being massaged duing the shampoo process. This will help avoid any unwanted irritation the relaxer may cause.
I hope this was helpful.
How bad is it to relax with gel on and wash same day then make braids the next day?
Hi Chelsi, thanks for your question. About relaxing with gel…if the gel is not high in alcohol content, meaning it’s not stiff/hard, it should be fine. If the gel is a stiff setting gel, you should try to loosen the gel by rinsing it under lukewarm water and allow it to air dry before applying the relaxer. As far as installing braids the next day…I never advise installing braids with a fresh relaxer. The tension is too much for freshly relaxed hair. I always recommend having braids installed when it’s time for a touchup. New growth hair is much stronger and can handle the tension better. I hope this was helpful to you.
Hello I’m 14 years old and I’m thinking of getting my first relaxer soon but I’m doing it on my own I wanted to know what is the best brand to use, and I have some parts of my hair that are straight because of heat damage is it ok to relax those? And is it ok to relax my edges, and do I wash before or not? One last question do I relax all my hair since it is my first time ever relaxing it? I hope this isn’t too much to answer I want to do this right and my hair is very dear to me I hope you can help.
Hi Lidia,
Since this is your first relaxer and you’re only 14 years old, I suggest you have your relaxer done by a professional or someone familiar with applying relaxes. Ask lots of questions, pay attention, and after you feel comfortable (that’s after you get it touched up a few times), you should be able to do the application yourself. But just an FYI, I am a professional and I try to avoid giving myself a relaxer if I can. It’s too hard to see the back of my head and the chemical works fast. I always get better results when a let a colleague apply my relaxer. I hope this helps you make an informed decision.
Hi what’s the best brand of relaxer to buy for a at home relaxer
Hi Amiri,
Most companies that advertise their relaxers for “at home use,” are no-lye relaxer which I do not like. No-lye relaxers will leave a calcium buildup on the hair strand and cause it to eventually feel straw-like. My recommendation would be a lye relaxer and base the entire scalp with a petrolium protectact before application. My favorites are Affirm and Mizani Rhelaxer. Mizani is easier to find and the Butter Blend is quite gentle on the scalp. Just make sure not to scratch or scape the scalp 24 hours before application. I hope this helps.
Hello again this is Lidia, so the 1 issue I have is that I can’t have It professionally done bc I’m using money for my summer job, and getting it professionally done isn’t really in my budget. 1 question I really need help with is I have some straight hair from heat damage is it ok to relax those I was thinking of using dark and lovely is that good?
I went natural in 2021, experienced health-related hair loss in 2022 that led to cutting my hair down to the scalp, and now, in 2024, my hair is longer than ever. However, I’m struggling to establish a good natural hair routine after two years of wearing wigs and having short hair. I’m considering whether to relax my hair again, as I did for fifteen years, but I’m unsure if I can maintain healthy hair with monthly relaxers.
Hannah…boy oh boy do I understand your plight! I also experienced health related hair loss, went natural, and had to wear a wig. Once I got a handle on my hair loss and health, my hair grew back. I was determined not to go back to the relaxer, but I really struggled with my natural hair. It tangled and when I straightened it, I struggled with it reverting and breaking. It was just too much work and so I decided to start relaxing my hair again. Remember…it’s a relaxer, not a straightener, so I now use a mild strength to give my hair more manageability. I still have wave in my hair, I don’t burn like I used to during application, and my hair is much easier for me. Deciding to return to a relaxer is deeply personal and you’ll have to weigh the pros and cons. Me…I’m happy I went back, I just want you to remember that if you decide to relax again you will have to keep up with regular touch ups, deep conditioning, trims, and not use excessive heat. Healthy hair while wearing a relaxer is possible with a lot of TLC. I hope this helps, and good luck.
Hello, I have been going to the same beautician for years. However due to personal reasons she is out of town and it’s not clear when or if she will return. In the meantime I need a perm bad! She has always used Affirm and that works great for me. Is there an alternate perm I can utilize that’s similar to Affirm?
Hello, yes Affirm is a great chemical relaxer products and trying to buy it online without being a professional can be difficult. There are sellers on Amazon that sells the 4lb tub of regular and the no-lye kits, but that can be a crap shoot as to if it’s authentic. I have found that Mizani hair relaxers are the most comparable to Affirm relaxer. It’s not exactly the same but it gets the job done well. I hope this is helpful to you.
Hi, is it okay to apply mizani lye relaxer by myself. I’m not a professional
Hi Reecy, first I have a question for you…Have you relaxed your hair yourself before? And were you successful? If so, you should be fine, but if this is your first time, I suggest you go to a professional to ensure that the application is done correctly.
hi. i’m getting my hair relaxed in three days and i have a couple questions. i have hairspray in my hair and i’m wondering if i should wash my hair but just with conditioner. also i have been straightening my hair for a year and it’s damaged. would my hair melt off?
Hi Kaleigh, no…do not shampoo your hair, let the hairstylist determine how to prepare your hair for relaxing, they’ll know exactly what to do. As far as your hair melting off, I cannot answer that question without seeing and feeling your hair. Have faith in the professional you chose to relax your hair, they will know what to do and should inform of of any dangers if they are present. I hope this was helpful and don’t worry, I’m sure it will be fine.
hi i’m getting my hair relaxed in 4 days now and i was wondering will my hair be okay if it has a little bit of gel in it and some natural oils?
Hi Victoria, if it’s not heavy and hard…it should be ok.
Hi.
Relaxed my virgin hair yesterday with olive oil curl stretching texturizer touch up kit. It comes with neutralizing shampoo, a penetrating hair conditioner (replenish pak) and incredibly rich olive oil moisturizing hair lotion as step 4. Didn’t intend to get it really relaxed cos I thought a texturizer only softens virgin hair and of course I had no intention of going back to relaxers since I’ve grown and cherished my virgin hair for 5 yrs after cutting it, but my hopes were dashed cos my hair is extremely relaxed and this isn’t my experience with texturizers way back before I started my virgin hair journey. I only wanted to soften my hair while it stays virgin so I can do a ponytail with got2b glued blasting freeze hairspray and a hair extension. I have a feeling my hair is week at the moment for that or perhaps I’m not used to the relaxed hair feeling anymore so it scares me to get the pony tail style I’ve longed for. My hair feels re..a..l.. l..y moisturized though like its coated. I need your advice please. What should I do? Go ahead with my ponytail or wait?
Hi Sylvia, you can go ahead and put in your ponytail. If you find that your hair is feeling extreamly dry after taking it down (only keep it in for about 2 weeks), then don’t put it in again and make sure to give yourself a moisturizing treatment every week until it feels closer to normal. And please keep in mind that a textruizer is a relaxer. I know it can be confusing, but texturizing is a technique and not a product. Companies market it as a “texturizer” just for that reason, to market it. Texturizing is the process of just mildly breaking the curl pattern, and that has everything to do with the amount of time you leave the product on the hair. My guess is that you may have let the product stay on your hair too long. I also texturize my hair and I find that the Mizani mild relaxer works best for me, especially when I apply it myself because it is so mild that even though it may take me a little more time, it’s not strong enough to break my hair down before I can rinse it out. If you choose to try to texturize it again, move faster. Also, once you texturize it, even if there is still a lot of curl, it is no longer virgin and the results are permanent.
I just saw a case on hit bench where the ladies hair fell out after applying a weave after getting a relaxer. Any beautician should know to at least wait 2 weeks as to any thing extra is too much stress on your hair. This is just an advice please do not put anything extra no colors, dyes, bleach, braids, glues, caps nothing on freshly relaxed hair. Just wait. I like your forum.
Hi! I was wondering if it’s okay to use relaxer on hair that may have a little hair glue in it?
Hi Kyla, that’s not idea. First, try to remove the glue with a mixture of jojoba oil and aloe liquid gel. Use a tint bottle to apply to the areas with glue. Massage it and let it sit for about 10 minutes. Then, use a heavy conditioning shampoo to remove the glue. Blow dry your hair and wait a few days before applying the relaxer. This is the safest way to keep your hair healthy. I hope this was helpful.
Hello Stephanie,
I’m currently 23 weeks pregnant and have been waiting to relax my hair since cutting it off a year ago. My goal isn’t to completely process my hair, but to gain some more manageability. I aim to still have some texture in my hair. I had 3 questions. 1) is it safe to relax my hair while being 23+ weeks pregnant with a plan to breastfeed? 2) which relaxer would you recommend me to use to achieve more managed hair. I just want to be able to style and do my hair again.
3) I’m doing the relaxer myself (yes, I’ve done them on myself before) so how long should I leave the product in?
Thank you in advance for your help.
Hi Destini, thanks for your questions. Let’s see if I can give you a little clarity on them. Question 1: Is it safe to relax your hair? I have successfully relaxed the hair of many women who were pregnant and I’ve even relaxed a pregnant woman in the hospital with nurses as my assistants, so yes, it can be safe. But everyone is different so be sure to consult with you OBGYN before applying any chemicals. Question 2: Which relaxer would I recommend? Since you will just be softening your hair for manageability, I recommend using Mizani Butter Blend mild strength. This will soften your hair enough to make it manageable, but not strong enough to relax it to straight. You want to make sure that some wave is left in your hair for strength and to be able to hold up to heat from hot tools. And question 3: How long should you leave the product in? Try your best not to go beyond 20 minutes. This is for the application and smoothing. Trying to keep in this time frame will ensure that your hair won’t ge overprocessed. I hope this was helpful and good luck.